Indescribable God’s Love in Hope

I received Southern Region Church Camp pictures from Khai Lyn last week.

Sister Ireen got baptized!




happy shepherd! haha






yea, we are the Benjamites
(few of the people who didn't pay attention to the sermon for a few secs)






Hope of God Malacca!!
we rock!


we took the chance to get on stage.
(fyi, there were a few ppl who took our pics. hehe)

The smiles...
The 'HAHA!' looks caught in camera...
The "PEACE" signs...
The God’s words we heard...
The songs that we sang till 2am...
The unity in Hope Malacca...

I feel so touched.
I am so, so, so thankful that I am in Hope Everyone in Hope are so lovely, charming, helpful, kind, generous, patient, caring, funny, tolerance, supportive... You may have heard it from me dozens and dozens of times but you must know how is it to feel that I've always wanted to be accepted in a church. I used to pray by reading the prayer words from a book. As a result I could never pray properly. Now, it is just talking to God like how I talk to you. I failed to take care of my sheep. But I want to grow too so, I hope to have a compassionate heart towards her and the others.

I could never forget how joyful I am with the Benjamites:
`Su Han - having industrial training in Korea, very stylish
`Wee Kiat - speaks very well in Chinese... good at debating
`Julian - his laughter makes me laugh
`Abraham - his wisdom enthralled me
`Wendy - a responsible girl
`Ben - shy but he's funny sometimes
`Wei Lin - quiet and a very pretty girl! Loves pink a lot!
`Joanne Lee - beautiful eyes and nice hair
`Jennifer and Charleson - siblings that look alike. Both are sporting

Especially with my shepherd, Sis Shin Jie. I love her a lot. Nothing can describe the "Do you know I love you, Fiona?" care. She's really like my sister, Stella both of them always ask me, "Why didn't ask me first? Why you didn't complete your work?" and I had a hard time answering them. Honestly, both of them said the same thing (most of the time), "You know you always make me worry or not?"

Noooo, I don't want to boast about Hope. I wanted to share how God really loves me that He brought me into this church.

HE LOVES YOU TOO He has wonderful plans for you! Don't you feel excited? Whenever I thought about His plans for me, I couldn't sit still. My heart will jump with joy.

Before and After

I remember that when I was 9-10 years old, my dad left me behind. He, together with my sister and brothers wanted to go out. I want to follow so I went to the kitchen to grab my slippers. When I enter the living room, my mum was there watching TV. I thought they were waiting in the car. I quickly run to the door. I was holding the slippers when I saw the car was half way out from the small road.

I threw the slippers onto the floor and went inside to sit. Tears came out and I tried not to cry in front of my mum. I was old enough to think that she'd laugh at me if I cry. My mum asked me, "Eh, why you still here?" I didn't answer straight away because my voice is very watery. Later, I told her, "Papa go already". When they came back, I was still pouting. My mum told my dad that he has forgotten me. My dad laughed and said "Sorry, I don’t know you want to go. Sorry ar, I really don't know. Don't cry already lar" in Mandarin. My sister and brothers teased me a little. I was so humiliated and I cried again.

(I love my father very much that whenever he wants to go, I want to join him. But he's no longer part of the family. I don't feel like seeing him anymore because as I grow, I learnt that he did not fulfil his responsibility to his family. But, the love for him still remains in my heart...)

This happened... again

Imagine that one day you and your friends already plan to go somewhere for a holiday. They know you will join them. You waited for them to pick you up. As the time approaching, your heart grew so excited. What would it be like staying there? How the shopping malls are? What kind of people they’ll meet? Oh, the zeal... As the time passed the promised time, you'll feel less excited and more tensed up. Why aren't they here? We would miss the taxi. We would be late! Each minute, you assured yourself that they'd be here. You thought of a lot of excuses why they'd be late. But they didn't come. Half hour later, you called them up, "Why not yet pick me up? Later already lar" and they said, "Haven't pick you? I thought the who will go. Miscommunication lar I think. How now?" Deep inside, you just feel like crying because someone has forgotten you on an important day (don't think about birthdays). It may be stupid to cry over this thing but... someone fail to notice you leh T__T

Now...

I feel grateful that God wants me to go through this kind of things.
I never had embarrassing/shocking moments before until last year.
Therefore I appreciate every second of it...

Like the time when I entered wrong class. I didn't know. Everyone was staring at me.
Like the time when I said the thing that was so foolish that everyone teased me.
Like the times when I wore the wrongly matched clothes.
Like the times when I was so childish, talking bad stuffs about people!

Dead embarrassing! But... I am hoping that there'd be more so that I can laugh at myself and loosen up a bit. After re-dedicating my life to my Lord, I felt my life's more exciting. More bad and good things occurred. More things to muse about. More people to talk to. More practical events to attend. Everyone's life has its ups and downs. They teach us how to be mature living in the world of discrimination

Random Picture: SRCC, Kuala Rompin, Pahang


wh-what on earth was I doing? =__="

The Testimony

Imagine, talking in front of 40 people! That's like 3 times more audience compared to my last presentation. I was 'crying' for help from my shepherd yesterday. I need her help for my testimony which I've to present before preaching. I planned to go to KL to celebrate the special day (7/7/7) and attend the service in Hope Serdang or Hope PJ. I thought I can escape... but I can't

During prayer meeting, Shin Jie was hurt when I said, "Can I not share testimony? In front of so many people leh..." She looked at me and wrote something on a piece of paper. She passed it to me. She asked me to write whatever happened after I accepted Christ and what blessings He had given. But I was scared... That moment, I had completely forgotten that it's actually a blessing to have the opportunity to share my testimony! "You write out and give me read," she said. Sigh. That night, I went out with Carson, Jenny, Raynon, Melissa, and Wei Lun to have Asam Pedas at Jonker Street and then to Wings. After that, I joined them to Pure Bar at 12.15am! Too early isn't it? Once I got home, I watched the Microsoft Word getting started as I placed my fingers on the keyboard. I was ready. The memories of my past kept pouring in. Oh, those bad ones! I quickly type them out one by one.

After making covenant with the Lord, I was getting ready to give tithes. Ok, I wasn't. I was busy taking care of my anxiety and imagining how others would feel when I share. The next thing that I really need is when I heard Sis Mary said "We have a sister who has been through many things in her life..." YIKES! That was too early. It was supposed to be offering first! OFFERING! Shin Jie quickly laid her hand on me and prayed in tongue. My sheep, Wei Lin was sitting beside me. Ben was there calling my name. I don't know how loud they were and I felt like falling apart. When I walked out, they cheered for me. The embarrassment... and the never-ever-have-before love support. I went to the stage with all the 'grace' I have! Thank God (hallelujah!), at that moment He gave me courage. I was wearing Sis Wendy's skirt, by the way. Wicked Although I was nervous to look at the audience, I felt warm. And so, I started to share. I was grasping the mike as if I wasn’t holding one! It was making funny sounds. Strange.

I felt as if I am talking nonsense because everyone looked as if they don’t get what I was trying to say. I got emotional when I said:
"I used to scar my arm with a pocket knife,
I even thought of suicidal,
I had a polluted mind,
I’ve no goals or vision in my life,
I was lack of wisdom and I always waited for someone to teach me,
I was confused about whom I am and that my friends called me a faker,
I just wanted someone to love me."

My voice got odd and I took milliseconds to calm myself. Without knowing, I already shared the bible scriptures (Lamentations 3:22-24). I've no idea how long I took but no time to look at the clock lar I ended my sharing by proclaiming "God is good..." and they said "All the time." I said, "And all the time?" and they finally said, "God is good!"

Amen!!

Note:
The Pure Bar is a joke. No one would see my shadow in there. It may be the hottest bar in town with many different male and female faces but it's the lame-est place to hang out with friends. There's no way I'm putting my foot in there, again.

lovely week

This week is all about having fellowship with the Hope people (especially Benjamites)... and Him. This is last week's schedule...

Monday: Benjamin's JDMM (core team members)
Tuesday: Benjamin Care Group
Wednesday: Pasar Malam + dinner with Benjamites
Thursday: Lunch with Sis Wendy
Friday: Prayer Meeting
Saturday: Bible Sharing (Abraham and Sin Lu)
Sunday: Sunday Service

I do enjoy the fellowship and I changed my mind about "being alone is the best thing". No, it's not the best and it'll never be (can't believe I said that). Well, *lost for words* I don't know how to describe the joy I have when I joined this church. I am simply excited!

Here are some memorable pictures

... The Benjamites (half only) ...