Before and After

I remember that when I was 9-10 years old, my dad left me behind. He, together with my sister and brothers wanted to go out. I want to follow so I went to the kitchen to grab my slippers. When I enter the living room, my mum was there watching TV. I thought they were waiting in the car. I quickly run to the door. I was holding the slippers when I saw the car was half way out from the small road.

I threw the slippers onto the floor and went inside to sit. Tears came out and I tried not to cry in front of my mum. I was old enough to think that she'd laugh at me if I cry. My mum asked me, "Eh, why you still here?" I didn't answer straight away because my voice is very watery. Later, I told her, "Papa go already". When they came back, I was still pouting. My mum told my dad that he has forgotten me. My dad laughed and said "Sorry, I don’t know you want to go. Sorry ar, I really don't know. Don't cry already lar" in Mandarin. My sister and brothers teased me a little. I was so humiliated and I cried again.

(I love my father very much that whenever he wants to go, I want to join him. But he's no longer part of the family. I don't feel like seeing him anymore because as I grow, I learnt that he did not fulfil his responsibility to his family. But, the love for him still remains in my heart...)

This happened... again

Imagine that one day you and your friends already plan to go somewhere for a holiday. They know you will join them. You waited for them to pick you up. As the time approaching, your heart grew so excited. What would it be like staying there? How the shopping malls are? What kind of people they’ll meet? Oh, the zeal... As the time passed the promised time, you'll feel less excited and more tensed up. Why aren't they here? We would miss the taxi. We would be late! Each minute, you assured yourself that they'd be here. You thought of a lot of excuses why they'd be late. But they didn't come. Half hour later, you called them up, "Why not yet pick me up? Later already lar" and they said, "Haven't pick you? I thought the who will go. Miscommunication lar I think. How now?" Deep inside, you just feel like crying because someone has forgotten you on an important day (don't think about birthdays). It may be stupid to cry over this thing but... someone fail to notice you leh T__T

Now...

I feel grateful that God wants me to go through this kind of things.
I never had embarrassing/shocking moments before until last year.
Therefore I appreciate every second of it...

Like the time when I entered wrong class. I didn't know. Everyone was staring at me.
Like the time when I said the thing that was so foolish that everyone teased me.
Like the times when I wore the wrongly matched clothes.
Like the times when I was so childish, talking bad stuffs about people!

Dead embarrassing! But... I am hoping that there'd be more so that I can laugh at myself and loosen up a bit. After re-dedicating my life to my Lord, I felt my life's more exciting. More bad and good things occurred. More things to muse about. More people to talk to. More practical events to attend. Everyone's life has its ups and downs. They teach us how to be mature living in the world of discrimination

Random Picture: SRCC, Kuala Rompin, Pahang


wh-what on earth was I doing? =__="