Wishes Dreams Hopes ☆彡

Showing posts with label Feeling Blue. Show all posts

2nd Week

I am so freaking tired. Or probably restless. Or lazy?

I don't know. I just felt all these stuffs I am doing giving me no benefits.
But I am gaining something.
But I am losing a lot. I hate it when I lose my strength.
Cos I'll be very very tired. Very very restless. Very very lazy.

Answer to the all above.

I don't know. I might be complaining because I am worn out.
But I am glad that tonight, I'm gonna be free a little bit.
I have plans to surprise Jackline at her home.
But sadly, I forgotten to bring her clothes I used for cycling 2 weeks ago. Sigh.
So freaking useless lar my brains. My memory's getting worse.
Either degrading or just lazy to think.. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm :(

I downloaded a few games in my phone.
Because I was freaking bored during the roadshow.
Seriously freaking bored. And I couldn't stand the boredom.
So I downloaded kiddish games like Prom Night dresses (to dress up a girl for prom etc).

Yea, THAT BORED!

Any games would do. But no Temple Run or whatever that is popular.

Lol..

And THAT is a LAUGHING OUT LOUD with a brick face. =_=

My December, My Memory

Nah, nothing particular about any December by the way.

Just that I've been loving this song to the max because of the emoness and the smoothness of Chester Bennington's voice (: I totally adore his voice. And his team.. There were few rumours saying that they gonna break up. And I was devastated. I didn't know what to do if the band breaks up..

I know Linkin Park ain't my life. But their songs brought so so so so much memories. Becase I remember that I had a best friend who loves LP as much as me too. We shared pics and love for them. She likes the lead singer, while I like the rapper, Mike Shinoda.

But anyway, just an update. Kekeke :))

It was his birthday yesterday.

And I forgotten about it.
His date of birth is my license expiry date this year.

Congratulations, Mr. G..
I never had a chance to celebrate with you. And I don't think I want to celebrate it with you. I failed to be someone who steal your heart in the past. But I am grateful that my future rejected you first.. And I am glad I learnt lessons from our story.

May you grow and be a good man. Treat people right and you shall see that you deserve all goodness and especially true love..
All the best!

How

I wish I can hurt you like how you've hurt me.

A Little Bear

Yes, in times of depression and sadness, having her around is the best.

Just wrapping my arms around her makes me feel warm.Having her by my side makes me feel complete.
Maybe that is why when she isn't around, I just felt as though something is missing. She is one of the biggest thing in my life that ever happened! I love Faye so so so much! She's like my own ;)
Thanks, bestie. For giving her to me on my 21st.
xx

Oh so Hopeless.

To still inlove with the one who fell outoflove .

I was

Drunk last night.
Yes. Few glasses of Macallan 18years plus Coke.
With my ex company's Business Development Manager.
In Golden Famosa Retro Lounge.
Listening to stories of my ex.
And seeing him walking up and down without greeting me.
Forcing him to drink a glass of Macallan 18years plus Coke.
And a mug of beer.
But he refused to drink the beer because he said "I'm not in the mood". Whatever.
Mission "To Get Him Drunk" Failed.

I'm going there again this Friday with ex-clerk.
Slot Machine Floor having a function "Purple Rain".
Gonna meet my petite Ms. Barbara.
I miss her a lot. But she ain't perfect.
I miss all of them.
I miss.

Few hours in Muar.

Absolutely great time having fellowship with my fellow brothers and sisters in Hope Melaka. We had our dinner in Muar, in the famous food court!

But honestly, I wasn't feeling okay because one of the diamonds in the picture spoilt my mood. I have no idea why he has to act that way towards me. Was it because I scolded him for what he did? Or because he was being emotional that day. OMG! Because of him, I was so emo. And I couldn't think properly :((

So sad.. So how ar? I texted him twice, only replied once. He said it's nothing and told me not to think too much. IMPOSSIBLE he'd say such things to me. And he's always always playful with me. But why of all times, he so so so serious with me :((

Love sick?

Yea, still heartbroken. Pills like these cannot cure any! Hmph!
I'm down with fever for a week, cough for few days, and flu for few days.. It's a wonder why my nose even bleed inside! GAAHH! Too much of sun Melaka has. Blame it all on the construction people. They rather tear down the trees than to protect us with goooood environment :(
Why oh why dear government you no think? :/

Over Limit

Honestly, I did more than I have ever done to someone of the opposite sex..

Know why?
It is because I saw a collection of stuffs you had in your cupboard. You showed them to me.. And I felt that you will appreciate stuffs that were given to you. Including those soft toys on the cupboard.. And when I knew it, I did stuffs to make you smile. Anything from lovey-dovey SMS to sticky notes to handmade stuffs.. My babe did more for me than I do for her. Probably I felt the same way as she does when she did stuffs for me.. I appreciate. And that's how you appreciate..
But you failed in appreciating me as a person. I thought you cared. When I really think about it and how others had commented, I felt that you didn't care at all. Although there is no more choice left, you dumped me so that you can focus on earning money and settled your stuffs selfishly. Probably I knew too much. So I became worried more and more. Still, you never cared.
I still love you. And still love you despite what you've done. I always have this believe on loving someone despite their weaknesses. And I might not get back what we used to have, I still wanna hold on to the memories that are real. Those things you did for me without me asking or hinting.. Those little deeds you showed me that you really were in love with me......... :)
Thanks for the past months, from 10th November till now..And from 14th December till 31st March.. Thank you!

I'm an Option

Truthfully, I am still missing you.

I wonder if you would come back for me because you said "I love you".

We're just like this rose:

we "died".

04/04

OHMEEGOSH!
4 days without blogging! Oh wait, I was off on Sunday and Monday. Bwahahahaha! And then on Tuesday, where everything wrecked my freaking day! Sigh. It has been tough for the past week. Very very very tough. I know that I am weak but I managed to get by! Thank GOD. I couldn't remember how fast time passed by and in a blink of an eye, I'm back being a single lady. LOL! And of course, my heart is still unavailable for anyone.. I mean, if this is LOVE, you don't simply break up and then find someone else to fill the gap.

Many people used to say that I am like that: I lost a father's love then I go seeking for man's love to fill in my heart. Erm, am I like that? I guess not? Because when my dad's still around, I still admire loads of guys. Hehe.. I think it has became a part of my habit. But come on, as we grow older, we really look into a life with our future partner - someone you can trust, rely, love, care, grow old with!! That is everyone's dreams. I want to marry a man. I want to marry a man who love kids so we can have kids together. I want to marry a man who knows the real meaning of love and also the love of God which covers multitudes of sins!

Ahhh.. Such beautiful love. That is how I am able to love others! I tried and tried to accept the weaknesses of others. And yes, I do say "I hate her/him" at times with my babe - that is when I am super super super crazy or mad!! Probably high on drugs :PP but I really willing to forgive anyone and as long as they will change one day. After all, forgiving is hard but when you do forgive, it seems like a tiny burden just gone! You don't have to think of that person.. Because when you forgive, you just couldn't bother about this person anymore. But when you see this person you forgave, love overtakes you instead. And I experienced it. It was amazing..
Really really really really indescribably amazing ♥

So I'm alright today! That's why I am able to blog about this. I'm freaking looking forward for tomorrow - Thursday. Nothing much's gonna happen on the day but I just wanna finish my work and send all the documents to HQ -> half burden lifted up (:

The toughest thing for me at the moment is for Saturday, and Sunday to come. Because I know that it is the weekend. And which means those were the days when me and him are more available to meet.. And I gave up most of my Sundays for him to have his own family day. So........ I really don't know if I could get through those 2 days without him. But I believe I could! Believe and it will be done!! :D

All I can say to myself that God loves me very much. And I should not let any other things that bring me down to interfere with my life! Nor I should do anything to interfere with their lives. It is hard to not think or maybe send him texts but I had to stop it. I wish he would have a better life so I wouldn't be so worried.. At the same time, I wish I could erase every single memory starting December 14th.
I wish I could...... But I couldn't.

Ah well, God, in You I trust ♥ amen.

Chinese New Year Eve

The celebration started! Fireworks outside! People dancing in Jonker Street!
Everyone's having reunion dinner inside and outside their houses.

But I'm alone at home.

Happy Mother's Day!

So what you did for your mummy?

It's not that I am lazy for not doing anything for her, but always there is something that hindering me from doing something for her.. I wanna do it! Like cooking dinner. But she fell sick just now and her friend bought her porridge. Oh, I ate porridge too.. And had been drinking 2 and half bottle of water after that! Friends asked me about cards, but I did not do it. If I gave it to her, I have no idea where she'll keep it! That reminds me of my childhood period when me and my siblings always doing cards for her - using thin, very thin blue papers. If only I know where she puts them! I'd take a picture and post it on FB! Hahahaha!

Then, next thing is doing house chores!! ARGH! I hate doing house chores - but honestly, when I really put my heart into doing them, you won't hear me talking to you! Ha! That's me.. Guess I should reward my mum with these little deeds :) but another honest statement: I hate to do house chores when there is somebody in the house. Who second me? Because it's ANNOYING! When I do stuffs like that, I'd rather be alone at home and do whatever I want till I am done! I am not fussy but I believe many are like that.

The other thing that I don't wanna do is to bring her out. C'mon! What's the point bringing her out for shopping, only on Mother's Day, to show my love? Where are the other days? How you spent them??? 5 working days! 2 public holidays - Sat&Sun! Though I really wanna spend time with her, she's always tired.. I understand her situation. That's why before these few weeks, whenever she wants to go out, I'd follow her. Just to make sure she's alright and safe. As I always do too, at night. Bringing her to work and fetching her back.. My intention is to use her car. But at the same time, is to check on her. So it's really meaningless if I bring her out for food ONLY on Mother's Day. Special occasion? Well, everyday is special for me :) as long as she's by my side, I'm happy..

Geesh! Talking about that, I gotta make sure that I am by her side too.. Being with her in the same house don't mean that I am with her. We lived in the same house. But doing our own things. She doesn't know my intentions to stay back in this humble state to work.. Of course, first is to serve God in my church.. I really wanna take care of her. No one's home to look after her. So that's why I stayed back. One good thing she's not gonna find out!

Erm, guess I'm out of words. Here is all I wanna say..
But no matter how, do maximize your time with BOTH of your parents. Not only on special days like this one, but on every second you can! Cheers!

Oh! A pic of my mum and my siblings (and my bro's gf! Hehe..)!

2010 - that's why I looked WEIRD for you, my friends ;)

KL Love.

When Amelia told me that she is going to KL tomorrow,
I feel like flying there with her :(

I miss KL so much. But couldn't find the right time to go.
I miss going there with Jackline because she always knows where is the right place to shop. Muahahahahaha! But that time before CNY, she only get to buy one shirt while I was like on my first-time shopping spree! Whee! Still feeling happy & proud of myself for that little achievement! Ha!
I miss going there with Risky, Donii, and Dewi because they didn't know how to go and I guided them to KLCC! FIRST TIME leading with my ZERO knowledge of KL areas. Teehee~

I asked my dad that I would be going on the 16th. And he says "可以可以" so I might be going there lar. BUT maybe can't because church's having a Family Day treasure hunt in Tangkak - our mission place. Gotta think twice!! ARGHHHHHHH!

p/s:
That reminds me of the flyers I have to do for Easter Day!