Pains and Temptations

2006 wasn't the best year for me. When I started to write this, I remembered every single thing that occurred this year. All of them taught me something new, something I never know but I wished that I knew it earlier. I was immature and was still new to a lot of things. I find it appalling because I am already 20 but still acting silly. I do think and act sensibly at times. I am happy when people said that I am mature. As I've said above, you must show appreciation to your pals or else they'd think that you're not appreciating them. I wasn't mature in friendship and my friends are mostly taking care of me instead of both sides. I was not exposed to the Golden Rules of Friendship so that's why I made mistakes all the time, without realizing them (until she told me that people are testing/observing me). I thought nothing had ever happened and no one told me that I was a bogus. Probably I do notice it myself but I felt that it's just me. It's not that I wanted to be one. I wanted to please the other party so I agree to all things she said and laughed out loudly when the talks aren't witty.

I was not naïve about BGR. I've experiences with different guys but mostly, the relationships end up in the same way. When one party is not satisfied with the other party, nothing good could come out. When one party doesn't realize the mistakes, the same thing happened, no things will be fine. So as I was saying about BGR, I dated with a couple of guys and had a new relationship within a month. I thought I was ready for it so I give it a try. At first, I was too scared to have a boyfriend because my mum forbids me too but I learnt that she doesn't have to know anything. But I told her once I have confirmed my second half. It doesn't go well because he paid less attention to me. The rest was the same and I don't want to explain it here. The main point is that I have been fooling around a lot and even cheated some alien through text. It was weird but I had fun. I was terribly guilty and you don't know how much I feared God afterwards. I truly wanted to change but I sinned again.

Then, to my responsibility as a university student, which was very terrible. I wasn't aware that I am derelict! Whenever I felt like going to classes, I went. When I feel like going for exams, I'll just sit for it. If I fear about anything, I'll just stay in bed and lied that I'm sick! That was the first but it'll be the last as I do not want to runaway from everything again. Some of you are able to get away from the things you do not want to stumble upon without facing any consequences. But God brings me to plight whenever I did that. Don't you think it's funny? The troubles I was given are worse than the ones I'm supposed to face. My attendance in class was very bad. I don't know what came up to me; I failed two semesters in a row. Yea and the effect, the company who gave me the loan, stopped giving me money until I passed my semester. I've to use my own money which gave a lot of burden to my family, to get unbarred from exams and registrations. I told you that the plight I've to face is WORSE.

There's only one thing that I felt wonderful during 2006 was the moment I rededicate to our Lord Jesus Christ. I am a Christian (by sinner prayer, not baptism) and I thought I was a proper Christian but I wasn't. I have not given a proper education on the Lord. I haven't been to church ages ago and I only went to St Peter's once in a while with my pals. I pray to Him only when I feel like to. I didn't have the eagerness to know Him or even have a close relationship with Him. I never thought this as a bad thing. I only know that with good works, I'll go to Heaven. But honestly, I have a kind heart and willing hands, I thought that they're enough. There were times that my spiritual level is low thus I skipped care groups and prayer meetings. I do get some telling off from my shepherd but I continued to be like that. It was influenced by my physical body moods.

Worst of all, I am a bad daughter. I was a lazy girl. I wouldn't do any housework unless I am told to. No matter how many times my mother and older sister advised me, I'm still the same. I never do chores. But there are certain days I do them because I've the mood to do them (that is of course when no one's home). I tried to do but my moods keep telling me to go to sleep or play with the computer or do something else! I just get distractions a lot when I wanted to do something good. I'm not good at managing my temptations. But you know we turn to temptations because they give us relaxation and fun!

These may not seem very bad compare to some girls. I thank God they are not. I have lesser thoughts about it and relationships. I just want to be close to God. Now, I learnt more things and whatever I think is the contrary. I am glad that I'm saved now. I have a shepherd who is really an angel. And by the way, I go to church every Sunday morning. I used to hate waking up early but I love it now! I joined every activity the church held. I wanted to be involved more in church like being an usher and also in the worship team. I wanted to play the drums so badly that now, my shepherd promised to teach me. I was having difficulties hitting the simplest beat. But by God's blessings, I hope I can do it! After having a few moment of reflecting back the year of Pains and Temptations, I want to achieve my resolutions for 2007. I know that one day I could just forget about my resolutions and do whatever I want, but this time, I pray to God that he'll protect the future me and I want to promise to Him that I will do what I said I will. *remembers to put that in prayer*

I'll be having my Operations Management and Information Systems exams tomorrow, one in the morning and another at night. My French test will be on Jan 6th. I hope I can pass all these. I've been studying very hard. Hopefully God answers my prayers. I hope that you guys can pray for me, as I'll help you, to achieve good results!

Good Luck in your EXAMS and all the best in the New Year!