I saw him.

I just had a feeling that he is there when I saw his sister..

Probably that is for sure he'd come..

Though I did not noticed him earlier, I could just felt his presence.

After service, I walked out of church, wanting to go back early.
But when I remembered Christine&Caroline, I waited for them - impatiently.
The lunch has not arrived. I walked into the church again.
I stopped once I saw him, surrounded by few people.
I don't know who was around him but I saw him smiling as he talked with them.
Within 5 seconds, I looked away.
Who am I, a self-condemned girl, to look at such delicate creation of God?

I don't know if my heart was beating fast or slow.. I walked out.
But for the sake of the sisters, I stayed again - impatiently.
My head was spinning, thinking of how to settle the transport.
I thought of a brother. I walked up to him and asked him.
Then, I looked into church. He's there. Against the wall.
With few people surrounding him.
I quickly settle the transport for the girls and went away.

On the way back, I felt really really miserable.
I feel so shameful. I feel so guilty.
For whatever I did after he left Melaka for a few months.
We are not having any relationships.. But I feel guilty towards him.
I felt like I did owe him something that I cannot repay.

Ever since he left, all I ever hope&wish is for him to serve God.
With all his heartsoulmind&strength.
Be it in Hope or other churches.
I really want to see him grow in Christ.
He will definitely bring great blessings to God's Kingdom.

I really want him to know my heart desire.
But there is no way he would be interested in..
I guess God will be the only witness&listener.